signs,
portents

its kind of weird to just start something on day X and omit everything that came before, like we're not supposed to talk about the past 4ish years of tarot draws? maybe some of the patterns will naturally come up as we talk about stuff. we'll see.

anyway, drew today shortly before therapy.

ten of pentacles

two of wands (reverse)

XVI THE TOWER (reverse)

taken all together this is a really interesting and hopeful and heart open kind of draw. the ten of pentacles shows domestic life as comfortable and stable but dulling to a persons sense of wonder; it suggests changing your mindset to find the magic and beauty and awe and terror in everyday. remember that line from 51st dream state? "life is what we're thinking about all day." so real.

ok so two of wands (r) is a new one to me, dont think ive seen it before ever. in 78 degrees of wisdom rachel pollack says:

Again, a card of success, even greater than the Three, for here a man stands in a castle and holds the world in his hands. Yet the card does not carry the same contentment as the Three. He is bored; his accomplishments have only served to wall him in, and the world he holds is a very small one.
...the Wands love of battle and challenge can leave one with no real satisfaction in actual accomplishments when the fight has been won.

so yeah ok, that feels like ...... being read, hahah. but she goes on to describe the reverse:

Here we find one of Waite's best formulas: 'Surprise, wonder, enchantment, trouble, and fear. All these terms together describe someone jumping directly into a new experience. When we leave behind safe situations and past success to enter the unknown, we liberate so much emotion and energy that we cannot avoid either the wonder and enchantment or the fear that goes with it. The card speaks very strongly to people who have lived for a long time in some unpleasant or unsatisfying situation and finally decide to make a change all at once.

ok and the tower. we draw this card a lot, upright and reversed. like the deck keeps reminding us of what we set in motion BY OUR OWN HAND, it wants us to remember that this is a quest, that there is meaning in all of this hurt and loneliness and need. once we learned not to see the message as a threat of future calamity but as an acknowledgement AND ENCOURAGEMENT of present-tense unheaval / discontinuity we started really welcoming the tower's appearance. it feels like home, it feels like us.

so ... put it all together. once upon a time we had the security and the material comforts and we couldnt imagine anything changing ever, it was a completely static situation, we were trapped, we were completely cut off from the universe, we were dying inside. then we blew it all up and rediscovered uncertainty and chaos and wonder and sadness and the whole breadth of experiences we had forgotten (or never known). and this path is a good one to be walking.

so ... i guess in this the very first entry some context came out after all, ahhahahaha

this post feels like a joint effort of both of us. hearts ^_*